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Are You Stressed Out by Your Marriage?:
You may remember when
you saw your future mate for the first time. Or you might remember
the moment you realized that this was the person you were destined
to marry. Those memories are special reminders of the excitement of
a new relationship…of the euphoria that comes when you have
fallen in love. They’re moments that you’d like to cling
to for the rest of your life.
Then, reality sets
in. Perhaps it occurred during the first month of your marriage. Or
perhaps it happened within a year of your betrothal. It might not
have occurred until five years down the road. In any case, you suddenly
find yourself under a great deal of stress and you trace the cause
to your spouse. There may be tensions over finances, tensions over
the rearing of children, tensions over where to live. At times, the
friction may seem frivolous—you might be engaged in a knock-down,
drag-out fight over who’s responsible for the overflowing toilet.
Or you could have serious issues, such as a disagreement on when to
have a child.
While we would all
like marriage to be a blissful experience, the fact of the matter
is that it is a situation ripe with stress. There is the daily stress
of simply trying to live together in harmony, in addition to the occasional
strains over various disagreements. The tension can be magnified if
you or your loved one has just been diagnosed with cancer or a serious
heart condition. If your child has just been arrested for drug possession,
the tensions between the two of you can also escalate.
Luckily, much of the
stress within marriage is entirely manageable. For instance, you can
diffuse a great deal of tension just by making a commitment to spend
more time together. A number of couples benefit from scheduling a
“date night” when they make sure that they spend a few
hours alone. The date night can include dinner, dancing, or just a
walk in the woods. The important thing is to simply re-connect, to
re-discover all those things that caused you to fall in love in the
first place.
You might also find
it helpful to engage in some recreational activity together. Whether
it’s skiing, using nautilus equipment, or bowling, exercise
can be relaxing and can help you to better manage your stress level.
Exercise also allows you to see your spouse in a different light—as
a partner rather than a competitor. In the end, you might find that
you are both happier and healthier as a result of exercise.
Another technique
that can help you to handle marital stress is to schedule a “couple’s
meeting” each week. This is a time set aside for re-focusing
on your priorities, to discuss any problems that have come up during
the week, and to plan ahead for the coming week. At times, you might
have disagreements during such meetings. But the important thing is
to communicate and to do so consistently.
But what if your marital
stress becomes unbearable? The important thing is to keep the lines
of communication open between yourself and your spouse. But, if you
still find yourself to be under a great deal of stress, consider consulting
an outside party. For instance, you might try to schedule a session
with your pastor in order to hash out the differences between yourself
and your mate. Or you might consult a marriage therapist who is an
expert at helping to resolve differences between spouses. You must
recognize, however, that such sessions require a great deal of work
and emotional commitment. You cannot expect to attend one session
and have your stress go away. It could take months before you are
able to get your marital stress under control.
Marital stress is
serious business. If not dealt with effectively, it can easily lead
to divorce—a divorce you might regret later on. Make a commitment
to deal with marital stress as soon as it appears. That way, you can
work to ensure that small problems do not lead to big ones, exacerbating
your stress. By following some simple steps, you can re-charge your
batteries, reduce your stress, and fall in love with your spouse all
over again.
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